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Find Your Love Story
Rate each statement on a scale from 1 to 9, I meaning
that it doesn't characterize your romantic relationships at all, 9
meaning that it describes them extremely well. Then average your
scores for each story. In general, averaged scores of 7 to 9 are high,
Indicating a strong attraction to a story, and 1 to 3 are low,
indicating little or no interest in the story. Moderate scores of 4 to
6 Indicate some interest, but probably not enough to generate or keep
a romantic interest. Next, evaluate your own love story. (There are 12
listed here; see the book for more.)
STORY #1
1. I enjoy making sacrifices for the sake of my
partner.
2. I believe sacrifice is a key part of true love.
3. I often compromise my own comfort to satisfy my
partner's needs.
Score: _____.
The sacrifice story can lead to happy relationships
when both partners are content in the roles they are playing,
particularly when they both make sacrifices. It is likely to cause
friction when partners feel compelled to make sacrifices. Research
suggests that relationships of all kinds are happiest when they are
roughly equitable. The greatest risk in a sacrifice story is that the
give-and-take will become too out of balance, with one partner always
being the giver or receiver.
STORY #2
Officer:
1. I believe that you need to keep a close eye on your
partner.
2. I believe it is foolish to trust your partner
completely.
3. I would never trust my partner to work closely with
a person of the opposite sex.
Score: _____.
Suspect:
1. My partner often calls me several times a day to ask
exactly what I am doing.
2. My partner needs to know everything that I do.
3. My partner gets very upset if I don't let him or her
know exactly where I have been.
Score: _____.
Police stories do not have very favorable prognoses
because they can completely detach from reality. The police story may
offer some people the feeling of being cared for. People who are very
insecure relish the attention that they get as a "suspect," that they
are unable to receive in any other way. But they can end up paying a
steep price. As the plot thickens, the suspect first begins to lose
freedom, then dignity, and then any kind of self-respect. Eventually,
the person's mental and even physical well-being may be threatened.
STORY #3
1. I believe that, in a good relationship, partners
change and grow together.
2. I believe love is a constant process of discovery
and growth.
3. I believe that beginning a relationship is like
starting a new journey that promises to be both exciting and
challenging.
Score: _____.
Travel stories that last beyond a very short period of
time generally have a favorable prognosis, because if the travelers
can agree on a destination and path, they are already a long way
toward success. If they can't, they often find out quite quickly that
they want different things from the relationship and split up. Travel
relationships tend to be dynamic and focus on the future. The greatest
risk is that over time one or both partners will change the
destination or path they desire. When people speak of growing apart,
they often mean that the paths they wish to take are no longer the
same. In such cases, the relationship is likely to become increasingly
unhappy, or even dissolve completely.
STORY #4
Object:
1. The truth is that I don't mind being treated as a
sex toy by my partner.
2. It is very important to me to gratify my partner's
sexual desires and whims, even if people might view them as debasing.
3. I like it when my partner wants me to try new and
unusual, and even painful, sexual techniques.
Score: _____.
Subject:
1. The most important thing to me in my relationship is
for my partner to be an excellent sex toy, doing anything I desire.
2. I can never be happy with a partner who is not very
adventurous in sex.
3. The truth is that I like a partner who feels like a
sex object.
Score: _____.
There are no obvious
advantages to the pornography story. The disadvantages are quite
clear, however. First, the excitement people attain is through
degradation of themselves and others. Second, the need to debase and
be debased is likely to keep escalating. Third, once one adopts the
story, it may be difficult to adopt another story. Fourth, the story
can become physically as well as psychologically dangerous. And
finally, no matter how one tries, it is difficult to turn the story
into one that's good for psychological or physical well-being.
STORY #5
Terrorizer:
1. I often make sure that my partner knows that I am in charge, even
if it makes him or her scared of me.
2. I actually find it exciting when I feel my partner is somewhat
frightened of me.
3. I sometimes do things that scare my partner, because I think it is
actually good for a relationship to have one partner slightly
frightened of the other.
Score: _____.
Victim:
1. I believe it is somewhat exciting to be slightly scared of your
partner.
2. I find it arousing when my partner creates a sense of fear in me.
3. I tend to end up with people who sometimes frighten me.
Score: _____.
The horror story probably is the least advantageous of the stories. To
some, it may be exciting. But the forms of terror needed to sustain
the excitement tend to get out of control and to put their
participants, and even sometimes those around them, at both
psychological and physical risk. Those who discover that they have
this story or are in relationship that is enacting it would be
well-advised to seek counseling, and perhaps even police protection.
STORY #6
Co-dependent:
1. I often end up with people who are facing a specific problem, and I
find myself helping them get their life back in order.
2. I enjoy being involved in relationships in which my partner needs
my help to get over some problem.
3. I often find myself with partners who need my help to recover from
their past.
Score: _____.
Person in recovery:
1. I need someone who will help me recover from my painful past.
2. I believe that a relationship can save me from a life that is
crumbling around me.
3. I need help getting over my past.
Score: _____.
The main advantage to the recovery story is that the co-dependent may
really help the other partner to recover, so long as the other partner
has genuinely made the decision to recover. Many of us know
individuals who sought to reform their partners, only to experience
total frustration when their partners made little or no effort to
reform. At the same time, the co-dependent is someone who needs to
feel he or she is helping someone, and gains this feeling of making a
difference to someone through the relationship. The problem: Others
can assist in recovery, but the decision to recover can only be made
by the person in need of recovery. As a result, recovery stories can
assist in, but not produce, actual recovery.
2. To be continued -
Authorized reproduction 2006
Read
_part one
_part three
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