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STORY #7
1. I believe a good relationship is attainable only if you spend time
and energy to care for it, just as you tend a garden.
2. I believe relationships need to be nourished constantly to help
weather the ups and downs of life.
3. I believe the secret to a successful relationship is the care that
partners take of each other and of their love.
Score: _____.
The biggest advantage of a garden story is its recognition of the
importance of nurture. No other story involves, this amount of care
and attention. The biggest potential disadvantage is that a lack of
spontaneity or boredom may develop. People in garden stories are not
immune to the lure of extramarital relationships, for example, and may
get involved in them to generate excitement, even if they still highly
value their primary relationship. In getting involved in other
relationships, however, they are putting the primary relationship at
risk. Another potential disadvantage is that of smothering -- that the
attention becomes too much. Just as one can overwater a flower, one
can overattend a relationship. Sometimes it's best to let things be
and allow nature to take its course.
STORY #8
1. I believe that close relationships are partnerships.
2. I believe that in a romantic relationship, just as in a job, both
partners should perform their duties and responsibilities according to
their "job description."
3. Whenever I consider having a relationship with someone, I always
consider the financial implications of the relation ship as well.
Score: _____.
A business story has several potential advantages, not the least of
which is that the bills are more likely to get paid than in other
types of relationships. That's because someone is always minding the
store. Another potential advantage is that the roles tend to be more
dearly defined than in other relationships. The partners are also in a
good position to "get ahead" in terms of whatever it is that they
want. One potential disadvantage occurs if only one of the two
partners sees their relationship as a business story. The other
partner may quickly become bored and look for interest and excitement
outside the marriage. The story can also turn sour if the distribution
of authority does not satisfy one or both partners. If the partners
cannot work out mutually compatible roles, they may find themselves
spending a lot of time fighting for position. It is important to
maintain the option of flexibility.
STORY #9
1. I think fairy tales about relationships can come true.
2. I do believe that there is someone out there for me who is my
perfect match.
3. I like my relationships to be ones in which I view my partner as
something like a prince or princess in days of yore.
Score: _____.
The fantasy story can be a powerful one. The individual may feel swept
up in the emotion of the search for the perfect partner or of
developing the perfect relationship with an existing partner. It is
probably no coincidence that in literature most fantasy stories take
place before or outside of marriage: Fantasies are hard to maintain
when one has to pay the bills, pack the children off to school and
resolve marital fights. To maintain the happy feeling of the fantasy,
therefore, one has to ignore, to some extent, the mundane aspects of
life. The potential disadvantages of the fantasy relationship are
quite plain. The greatest is the possibility for disillusionment when
one partner discovers that no one could fulfill the fantastic
expectations that have been created. This can lead partners to feel
dissatisfied with relationships that most others would view as quite
successful If a couple can create a fantasy story based on realistic
rather than idealistic ideals, they have the potential for success; if
they want to be characters in a myth, chances are that's exactly what
they'll get: a myth.
STORY #10
1. I think it is more interesting to argue than to compromise.
2. I think frequent arguments help bring conflictive issues into the
open and keep the relationship healthy.
3. I actually like to fight with my partner.
Score: _____.
The war story is advantageous in a relationship only when both
partners clearly share it and want the same thing. In these cases,
threats of divorce and worse may be common, but neither partner would
seriously dream of leaving: They're both having too much fun, in their
own way. The major disadvantage, of course, is that the story often
isn't shared, leading to intense and sustained conflict that can leave
the partner without the war story feeling devastated much of the time.
People can find themselves in a warring relationship without either of
them having war as a preferred story. In such cases, the constant
fighting may make both partners miserable. If the war continues in
such a context, there is no joy in it for either partner.
STORY #11
Audience:
1. I like a partner who is willing to think about the funny side of
our conflicts.
2. I think taking a relationship too seriously can spoil it; that's
why I like partners who have a sense of humor.
3. I like a partner who makes me laugh whenever we are facing a tense
situation in our relationship.
Score: _____.
Comedian:
1. I admit that I sometimes try to use humor to avoid facing a problem
in my relationship.
2. I like to use humor when I have a conflict with my partner because
I believe there is a humorous side to any conflict.
3. When I disagree with my partner, I often try to make a joke out of
it.
Score: _____.
The humor story can have one enormous advantage: Most situations do
have a lighter side, and people with this story are likely to see it.
When things in a relationship become tense, sometimes nothing works
better than a little humor, especially if it comes from within the
relationship. Humor stories also allow relationships to be creative
and dynamic. But the humor story also has some potential
disadvantages. Probably the greatest one is the risk of using humor to
deflect important issues: A serious conversation that needs to take
place keeps getting put off with jokes. Humor can also be used to be
cruel in a passive-aggressive way. When humor is used as a means of
demeaning a person to protect the comedian from responsibility ("I was
only joking"), a relationship is bound to be imperiled. Thus, moderate
amounts are good for a relationship, but excessive amounts can be
deleterious.
STORY #12
1. I think it is okay to have multiple partners who fulfill my
different needs.
2. I sometimes like to think about how many people I could potentially
date all at the same time.
3. I tend and like to have multiple intimate partners at once, each
fulfilling somewhat different roles.
Score: _____.
There are a few advantages to a collection story. For one thing, the
collector generally cares about the collectible's physical well-being,
as appearance is much of what makes a collection shine. The collector
also finds a way of meeting multiple needs. Usually those needs will
be met in parallel -- by having several intimate relationships at the
same time -- but a collector may also enter into serial monogamous
relationships, where each successive relationship meets needs that the
last relationship did not meet. In a society that values monogamy,
collection stories work best if they do not become serious or if
individuals in the collection are each viewed in different lights,
such as friendship or intellectual stimulation. The disadvantages of
this story become most obvious when people are trying to form serious
relationships. The collector may find it difficult to establish
intimacy, or anything approaching a complete relationship and
commitment toward a single individual. Collections can also become
expensive, time-consuming, and in some cases illegal (as when an
individual enters into multiple marriages simultaneously).
Authorized reproduction - 2006 -
Read:
_part one
_part two
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