How to Stop Comparing Yourself to Others

Psicolinea

As a psychiatrist, I realize that comparing is a natural tendency we all have. It can be absolutely neutral, as when you merely evaluate similarities and differences. Such comparison is essential for astute reasoning. It’s also productive if you’re inspired to emulate another’s impressive traits. However, it becomes dysfunctional when it stirs envy and jealousy, if you judge yourself as better as or less than others. Think about it: Without comparisons, jealousy and envy couldn’t exist. Interestingly, it’s more common to feel inferior to those with “more” than to feel grateful compared to those with “less.”

We’re a society of comparison junkies. It starts from day one. Babies are compared to each other. Who’s smarter, cuter, more precocious? Then comes grammar school. I remember a hideous game some of my king-of-the-hill classmates would play. They’d pick a target, usually the shy, insecure student. Then, in a taunting tone they’d sing in unison, “There’s a fungus among us. Her name is (fill in the blank) fungus,” until the poor kid, totally humiliated, slunk away. So, at school, there were basically the funguses and the non-funguses.

Emotional Freedom

Not so different from the breakdown of our comparisons in later life, interpersonally and politically. Shiites and Sunnis. White supremacists vs. Jews and Blacks. Protestants and Catholics in Belfast. Comparing yourself to others can preclude a bond of common fellowship and is a disservice to finding true worth. Either you’ll end up with the short end of the stick or, if you deign to put yourself above anyone, you’re nowhere. (No one is above anyone else.) Self-esteem must come from simply being you.

In my book Emotional Freedom, I emphasize that comparing ourselves to others can come from low self-esteem and lack of belief in the integrity of our own unique life path. In a spiritual sense, comparing your path to another’s is comparing apples and oranges. Why? Your life is explicitly designed for your own growth. Every person you meet, every situation you encounter, challenges you to become a stronger, more loving, and confident person. Try to appreciate the grace of both the hurdles and the joys you’ve been given. This is life’s legacy to you. Self-esteem comes from embracing this, working with what each day brings. How you spend your time here is up to you. Why squander it by comparing? Realistically, you’ll probably still do it. We all will. Even so, let’s strive to keep our eyes on ourselves to build self-esteem so we can become more emotionally free.

The following exercise will help you to turn jealousy and envy around. The more your practice it, the easier it will get.

Terapeuti online PsicolineaTERAPIE ONLINE
PSICOLOGIA | SESSUOLOGIA 

Costo: 60 euro
⇒Dr. Giuliana Proietti
Tel. 347 0375949

⇒Dr. Walter La Gatta
Tel. 348 3314908

Stop Comparing, Build Self-Esteem

  1. Choose a person you feel jealousy or envy toward. Perhaps a coworker your supervisor favors. Or a cocky, well-off relative. Make this person your test case before you go on to transforming these emotions with others.
  2. Behave differently. Practice dealing with jealousy and envy by mindfully using humility and avoiding comparisons, even if the person irritates you. For instance, rather than automatically bristling or shrinking in your seat when your supervisor praises this co-worker, second her good ideas, a collegial gesture. Try not to feed into feeling “less than.” Instead, as an empowered equal, add your own good ideas, not letting their rapport or your wobbly self-esteem deter you. Although you have the right to be upset about your supervisor’s favoritism, a humble but confident approach will begin to improve things. In that instance and the situation with your well-off relative, practice the commandment “I shall not compare.” Shift your mindset to concentrate on what you do have, what makes you happy. Let that be the tone of your interaction.
  3. Give to others what you most desire for yourself. If you want your work to be valued, value others’ work. If you want love, give love. If you want a successful career, help another’s career to flourish. What goes around comes around, an energetic dynamic you can mobilize.
  4. Learn from a rival’s positive points. Get your mind off of what you perceive you lack and towards self-improvement. Yoko Ono says, “Transform jealousy to admiration, and what you admire will become part of your life,” an inspiring credo to live by.
  5. Wish a rival well. Even if it’s hard to do this, try. It helps you to turn negativity around to something more positive.

Enlisting these methods helps you take your eyes off of other people and back to yourself. The point is to appreciate what you have rather than focus on what you’re lacking. A big part of emotional freedom is developing self-compassion rather than beating yourself up. Praise yourself. Gain self-esteem from your efforts to deal with jealousy or envy positively. Showing humility and avoiding comparisons lets you build self-esteem. It fosters a loving versus defensive posture in relationships.

Judith Orloff

See italian version of the article
AUTHORIZED REPRODUCTION

Judith Orloff MD is author of Emotional Freedom: Liberate Yourself From Negative Emotions and Transform Your Life (Three Rivers Press, 2011) now available in paperback and upon which the topics in this blog are based. Emotional Freedom Now! is the DVD from her national public television special about Emotional Freedom.

Her other international bestseller is Second Sight. Dr. Orloff synthesizes the pearls of traditional medicine with cutting edge knowledge of intuition, energy and spirituality. She is an Assistant Clinical Professor of Psychiatry at UCLA and has been featured on The Today Show, CNN, and in Oprah magazine and USA Today. See her web site drjudithorloff.com.

PLAYLIST RADIO LINEA

YouTube20 anni di Psicolinea

ABOUT

Sessuologo Ancona

Perché rivolgersi al sessuologo? Sessuologi di Ancona

Perché rivolgersi al sessuologo? La sessualità è una parte fondamentale di ciò che siamo, quindi il modo in cui viviamo ...
Leggi Tutto
Ancona - Terapia di Coppia

Ancona – Terapia di Coppia per coppie etero e LGBT

Ancona - Terapia di Coppia per coppie etero e LGBT Ci sono momenti, in ogni relazione, in cui la comunicazione ...
Leggi Tutto
psicolinea

Consulenza psicologica gratis e a pagamento

CONSULENZA PSICOLOGICA GRATIS E A PAGAMENTO I TERAPEUTI DI PSICOLINEA OFFRONO SERVIZI DI CONSULENZA PSICOLOGICA E SESSUOLOGICA GRATIS E A ...
Leggi Tutto
Consulenza delgiovedì e altri servizi gratuiti

Consulenza del Giovedì e altri servizi gratuiti di Psicolinea

Consulenza del Giovedì e altri servizi gratuiti di Psicolinea  CONSULENZA GRATUITA (del giovedì) VIA TELEFONO La consulenza del Giovedì è ...
Leggi Tutto
Chi Siamo, Cosa facciamo

Psicolinea, uno tra i primi siti di psicologia

Salve, prima volta su Psicolinea? CI PRESENTIAMO: Fondatori e Curatori di Psicolinea: Il Sito Come si può immaginare dal titolo, ...
Leggi Tutto
La cura dell'ansia - Dr. Giuliana Proietti Via Skype

La cura dell’ansia – Dr. Giuliana Proietti Via Skype

La cura dell'ansia - Dr. Giuliana Proietti Via Skype Benvenuti. In questa pagina qualche illustrazione su come viene curata l'ansia ...
Leggi Tutto
Il Sessuologo e la Sessuologia

Il Sessuologo e la sessuologia: saperne di più

IL SESSUOLOGO E LA SESSUOLOGIA: SAPERNE DI PIU' Cosa si intende per Sessuologia? La sessuologia è la scienza della sessualità, ...
Leggi Tutto
Mappa del Sito

Mappa del Sito Psicolinea

Mappa del Sito. Tutti gli Articoli presenti su Psicolinea. Anzitutto vogliamo esprimere un sentito ringraziamento agli Autori, che nel tempo ...
Leggi Tutto
psicologia psicoterapia sessuologia

Forum di Psicolinea: tutta la consulenza online

Forum di Psicolinea: tutta la consulenza online Gentilissimi Lettori, Tutta la consulenza online di Psicolinea, dal 2001 ad oggi è ...
Leggi Tutto
Psicoterapeuti Ancona Fabriano

PSICOTERAPEUTI Ancona Fabriano. Chiama ora!

PSICOTERAPEUTI ANCONA FABRIANO CHIAMA PER APPUNTAMENTO! TERNI CIVITANOVA MARCHE E VIA SKYPE Dr. Giuliana Proietti 347 0375949 Dr. Walter La ...
Leggi Tutto
About Psicolinea

About Psicolinea: Chi siamo, Cosa facciamo

About Psicolinea: Chi siamo, Cosa facciamo About Psicolinea: Chi siamo, Cosa facciamo Tutte le info che cercavi su in una ...
Leggi Tutto
Uso dei social media da parte degli psicoterapeuti

Media & Social Media Interviste, Articoli, Contributi

Media & Social Media - Interviste, Articoli, Contributi LA NOSTRA PRESENZA SU MEDIA E SOCIAL MEDIA Psi VIDEO Partecipazioni a ...
Leggi Tutto
Terapie online Via Skype

Terapie online Via Skype

Terapie online Via Skype La tecnologia è diventata una parte essenziale della vita moderna e può essere usata anche per ...
Leggi Tutto

Terapeuti di Psicolinea: Psicoterapia a Ancona, Terni, Civitanova Marche Fabriano

TERAPEUTI DI PSICOLINEA PSICOTERAPIA Ancona Fabriano Terni Civitanova Marche Dr. Giuliana Proietti Tel. 347 0375949 Dr. Walter La Gatta Tel ...
Leggi Tutto
Contatti con i Terapeuti di Psicolinea

Contatti con i Terapeuti di Psicolinea

CONTATTI con i Terapeuti di Psicolinea Psicoterapeuti Sessuologi Associati alla Federazione Italiana di Sessuologia Scientifica e al Centro Italiano di ...
Leggi Tutto
Archivio Storico di Psicolinea

CONSULENZA ONLINE Archivio Storico Generale

CONSULENZA ONLINE ARCHIVIO STORICO GENERALE Su questa pagina trovi il modo per leggere TUTTA la Consulenza online di Psicolinea, dal ...
Leggi Tutto

Lascia un commento

Il tuo indirizzo email non sarà pubblicato.